It’s time to tell you…

Nate and I are so excited to tell the world that Baby K is on it’s way! He or she is due to arrive this September.

We could have announced our good news a while ago, but opted to keep it close. My miscarriage last fall was still (and really, always will be) on our hearts. Getting pregnant fairly quickly (about 3 months) after a miscarriage was definitely a surprise to us, a very welcomed one. But even so, we were pretty cautious. About everything. I was wary of getting too excited too fast. I also had guilt over ‘moving on’ too soon after we lost our first baby, and more guilt because I know for some people getting pregnant takes much longer. So yeah. For many weeks I was filled with a mixed range of emotions. I see-sawed between wanting to shout in excitement to all ends of the earth, but also not wanting anyone to know, in fear of losing out again. I still have doubts, but am trying to move to a place of complete trust in God that things will stay on the right track.

I share these feelings because they’re an important part of the story. I don’t think anyone who has lost a baby only to be blessed by another doesn’t have a LOT of feels, some good, some scary. But the hesitations don’t lessen the happiness we feel for our second baby. Nate and I are so thankful for this tiny rainbow (who we’ve lovingly dubbed Kiwi). We’re doing our best to trust in God and taking it one day at a time. And every day that goes by our excitement and affection grows.

I wanted to share some memories from these first 18 weeks of my pregnancy so far (which is a long time to cover, so bear with me).

January 22nd – I had a random feeling I should take a pregnancy test, so I did, and it was positive. Was NOT expecting that. That was a weekday morning, so I had to wait until late that night (after I got home from coaching) to tell Nate! I obviously didn’t want to tell him over text while he was at work, so I was freaking out on my own all day! He was so happy. It was kind of surreal. Is finding out you’re pregnant ever not surreal?

February 13th – We opted to do an early (8 week) ultrasound because of my miscarriage history, just to make sure. At the last minute, Nate had to travel for work, and I thought I would be ok with going by myself. But the day before, I realized, no I want someone there with me, in case what happened last time happens again. So I called my mom 24 hours before and said “What are you doing tomorrow?” and she told me her plans. I said “I have something way better for you to do.” and she said “What?” I said “Come to an ultrasound with me???” She ooOooOOed and ahHHHhhhed and showed up at my house the next morning. That whole day was a good memory 🙂

We got a photo at the 8 week ultra sound, and again at the 12 week one (Nate came to that one!!). These photos made me both so happy and a little sad. We never had a photo of our first little babe. The photos we got of Kiwi made me feel so connected. Something tangible (besides daily, intense nausea) to make it feel a little more real.

February 18th – My mom kept it a secret from my dad for an ENTIRE WEEK. I don’t know how she did it! But we already had plans to see them both in Boston, so I wanted to tell Dad in person. We showed him the ultrasound photo in the North End Thinking Cup. He cried a little 😉 We told Nate’s family with a big group text of the ultrasound photo, although most of them already had a feeling (which they told us after we sent the pic. ) Earlier in the week at a family birthday party, I didn’t drink any of their fancy cocktails and I guess that raised some suspicions haha!

March 15th – Our 12 week ultrasound was so cool because Kiwi was boppin’ around in there the whole time. The weirdest part was that I couldn’t feel it! I loved looking over at Nate to see him in awe of what he was seeing on the ultrasound monitor.  Pretty sure that moment made it feel way more real for him.

Like I briefly mentioned before, I had some seeeerious nausea this time around. During my first pregnancy, last summer, I really didn’t have many symptoms besides being completely exhausted 24/7. This time I was barely tired, but so so nauseous. GUYS. Wow. It was rough. I didn’t realize pregnancies could be so vastly different. Remember when I blogged while I was in Santa Fe and mentioned I was dealing with a bit of altitude sickness? Yeah, that was on top of pregnancy sickness. Honestly, it was a very uncomfortable week. But I paid a lot of moolah for that workshop, so I was not about to miss out! 😉 (if you’re wondering, since about week 15 the nausea calmed down a lot, amen praise Jesus.)

Nate and I were back and forth about wanting to find out the gender. Neither of us has a preference (at least that’s what we’re telling each other?) so we didn’t really see the need. We kept saying it’ll be a game time decision. The morning of the 18 week ultrasound, we agreed we were ready to find out. But after all that back and forth, Kiwi decided for us, and they decided NOPE not gonna show you! Haha. So that’s settled! We have to wait until Kiwi is born in September!

Anyways, those are just a few memories from my first and early second trimesters. There will (hopefully, Lord-willingly) be lots more to come. Thank you for reading!

-Stephanie