For the last almost six months I’ve been so lost as to what God was doing in my life, specifically related to my career and business. Defeated is a better word. There has been a lot of chaos inside me, which led to incredible amounts of doubt and fear. // there’s no way you can do this. get a real job. get another degree. you aren’t good enough. you’ll never make it. look at all those people doing so much better than you.
On and on. all the time. and I’m not exaggerating when I say all the time.
Months of looking for ‘real’ jobs. months of pleading with God. months of being mad at God. months of emotions. months of doubt. I can’t tell you how much doubt – myself, God, people. if we’ve talked in person, you know this. I was open about it in real life, but not on the Internet. I couldn’t bear the thought of other photographers or my clients knowing I wasn’t doing as well as I should be. That I was failing. To be honest, I’m still worried people won’t take me seriously as a photographer or human after sharing this, but I’m more ashamed that it took until something changed for the better before I did.
Social media, only sharing the good things.
I don’t have a specific aha moment to tell you about, and nothing has automatically become perfect, but I can thankfully say that recently God affirmed in me that making images of people in love is my current purpose. But more so, to love them like Jesus does. I want to follow his lead.
Stop looking around, it’s right here, I’m right here.
Amen.
[…] life in general. I didn’t talk much about it on the internet – just one simple blog post which was scary to write. I’m still feeling some of those feelings, but I also feel more […]